I have mentioned in the past that I went through some eating disorders as a teenager. I can recall a few instances where people my age and even older in some cases would make comments like, "I wish I was that skinny, how do you do it?" And I so badly wanted to blurt out, "I'm starving myself so other people like you won't think I'm fat!" I never did, but the thought process that you need to do whatever is "working" for someone else really needs to be removed completely from our society.
Our bodies are unique. Maybe I can handle more weight resistance than you, but you may have more endurance and can do more cardio. Maybe I have asthma and maybe someone else has a thyroid problem. When we start comparing, we are assuming that the other person is functioning at 100% and perhaps even better than we are functioning. I am a pear shape. It does not matter how skinny I become, I will forever be a pear shape. It is how my bone structure is formed, and my genetic makeup. If I were to enhance my chest, then I would be closer to an hour glass but would still gain the majority of my wait in the lower half of my body. I can dream of being an hourglass all I want, but it just won't happen. I could waist my time and energy wishing I had someone else's figure, or I could be happy being the best me.
I have heard so many stories of someone telling an old friend after time apart, "You look amazing, and you've lost so much weight!" Although this seems innocent, what if that person has an inner struggle with eating disorders? Maybe she lost the weight from stress, maybe she has cancer and the medication is causing weight loss. Compliment others on something other than weight and looks. "You're so generous" "You have great taste in music" "You are so kind". Why do we think we have to tell everyone how beautiful or cute they are? Because that's what we want to hear ourselves. We want to know that the effort made in the mirror this morning paid off. If you realize just how beautiful you are on the inside (character traits, personality, your virtues, your intelligence) you will feel beautiful on the outside.
I can remember a conversation with my mom about wanting to be a figure skater, and her response was, "You'll lose your chest" I didn't realize that was important until she mentioned it. This thought that I would never be attractive because I would be too athletic? But if I didn't excercise I would get too fat, and if I was too skinny people would be grossed out. What was the solution?
We have all been in a place where we saw someone and wished we looked like them in some way, "I want her legs" "I wish I had hair like that", etc. but these thoughts are so dangerous. They can lead to depression, eating disorders, body dis morphia and an overall lower self esteem. How do we stop this process? A few months ago I challenged my readers to make a list of the things you love about yourself, physical, emotional, spiritual or otherwise, make a list of things you do well, have accomplished or simply know you are stellar at. Here is a sample of my list:
I love how outspoken I am.
I love my freckles, they make me unique.
I have an awesome sense of humor.
I am loyal to others.
I am a great friend.
I have a very large list. Some of you may think that is conceded, but I am embracing who I am and who I have become through significant events in my life. This is not arrogance, but everyone should know their worth.
So I am re-challenging you. I would even ask that if you are feeling too low to make the list yourself, ask a good friend or someone that you trust, to make a list for you of all the things they love about you. I have had my husband do this for me during times of self deprecation.
Everyone in this world has their own struggles. If you had to trade someone else's troubles for your own, you wouldn't. We all go through things. Comparing yourself to someone else is a false idea that they have everything together. They don't, and they probably wish they could have something of yours. Please look within and find that you are worth while, and you have so much to give this world. You. Not your looks, but you as a whole. You are beautiful.
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