We got home close to 2am after leaving the ER. Once everything was behind me, I was able to reflect on the situation and discovered a few things. My husband felt awful. We rear ended someone while he was driving, and I got hurt. He is still apologizing even though I have let him know I am fine. The things that I have assessed from the accident don't make me feel very proud.
1. I felt that Paul was "lucky" that I was hurt, because
had we both been fine I probably would have been
angry and told him he should have been paying
attention and that he ruined our weekend. Granted, this
did not happen, but I can almost guarantee that I would
have responded that way.
had we both been fine I probably would have been
angry and told him he should have been paying
attention and that he ruined our weekend. Granted, this
did not happen, but I can almost guarantee that I would
have responded that way.
2. Had we both been injured I would be equally upset
over the loss of both incomes as well as
over the loss of both incomes as well as
the damage of the car.
3. The accident happened about 2 minutes away from
our destination, which also made me a
our destination, which also made me a
little angry.
Because my husband already felt horrible, I could not imagine rubbing salt in that wound by giving him a hard time over my injury. I am ashamed that anger was the common denominator in each scenario that could have happened, but also relieved that the way in which I acted and reacted to the situation in the moment was out of kindness and concern for Paul. I had blood gushing from my nose, and knew the very second it started bleeding that it was broken. Paul immediately unbuckled and put his arms around me repeating, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" And in the moment, all I could think to say was, "It's okay. I'm fine. You need to call 911".
Once we were in the ER and they had assessed my injuries and taken all of the proper precautions, Paul was again by my side upset and apologizing. He is a wonderful man, as you can tell. In our marriage, things seem to always work out like this. One of us is upset, and the other is calm and rational. I don't think we have ever been freaking out about something at the same time. I let my self cry and shake and be scared in the back of the ambulance, and then remained calm for Paul when we arrived at the hospital. This in itself is amazing to me, because I am very emotional.
I can't explain my own human nature sometimes. I'm not sure why I didn't yell at him when I was bleeding and scared in the car. I like to think I was looking out for him, but I'm not sure that I was. Maybe it was the adrenaline.
It has been only 5 days since the accident, and we have received such an outpouring of love and help, that I am almost glad I got injured (almost), because it has made me realize what we (I) tend to take for granted. How wonderful it is, during this season of gratitude, to be reminded of how many friends and family I have that truly love and care about me. To everyone who has jumped to our aid, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I am surrounded by generous and kind people.
I usually try and find the life lesson hidden in a traumatic experience like this. In the coming weeks, I believe I will have a better grasp on that, and I hope you won't mind me sharing it with you when I do.
Here is a video I made.
No comments:
Post a Comment